Friday, March 23, 2012
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Is it the end of your world as you know it?
Repent, repent, the end is nigh! Today I have been thinking about Doomsday! I seem to be inundated with the end of the world. I turn on the TV to see Doomsday Preppers, Decoding the Mayan Prophecies and Nostradamus. Even the aliens from outer space are getting into the picture. I have received junk mail about a local event for a Prophetic Signs Seminar. The late night talk radio hosts I listen to are talking, again, to survivalists and preparedness authorities who will lead us to the salvation of ten year storeable food and boxed water. We are once again fearing for the worst because thousands of years ago a group of native South Americans ran out of room on the rock while making their calendar.
It’s time to cash in the reality check, here and now, folks. Preachers, Prophets, Sages and Witch Doctors have been raging and screaming to the masses for centuries about how God, or the Gods are initiating our destruction. There has always been talk of events like natural disasters and wars, which fit perfectly into a very loose interpretation of some ancient writing or scripture. I am certain in saying no matter what point in history at which you look, there will be signs and events that will lock themselves in place to lead you to believe the end of days is here.
Sadly it is this type of thinking that leads monks to flagellate or burn themselves, and even Jonestown or the Branch Davidians. We all know what a great idea those places turned out to be. People will believe anything if they think it will save them from death or otherwise. The old saying still holds true, people are just like sheep. They will blindly follow even unto death. What is it that makes us stop and listen and believe when these “sages” tell us they were reading this or they saw that in the stars or even that a shiny, mystical being told them something? Are they stoned when this news is revealed to them? Are we stoned when we believe them?
I, too, am not above all this, I will confess. I will give you a perfect example. For many years I worked over night at a bakery. I got my fill of all the pastries and talk radio I could ever want. My favorite host of all time was Art Bell on Coast to Coast radio. A middle aged woman called in to share a story about a strange man who looked modern but yet had no idea about how to use modern technology, specifically a gas pump. She told her story about how the man was also not familiar with money and it’s value. All of these strange things the man did made her think he was a man out of place. She was so bold to say she thought he was a time traveler.
She asked Art, “What do you think?” He replied “Yes, He could have been a time traveler.” For just a brief moment, the woman gasped and went silent. Her mind processed the thought that she just interacted with something thought to be only make believe. In that same moment, I also thought it all made sense and she experienced something I have only seen in the movies. In the next beat I shook my head and simply dismissed it as Art pandering to her and saying something shocking to build up the ratings for his show. He said yes, just to be cruel.
Because Art Bell is a man I like and respect, I was willing to throw my own rational thinking aside to believe what would seem impossible. I guess just call me Lambchop! My Baa-d!
This takes me back to the beginning, now. Do I listen to that little cherub on the shoulder who says “Be afraid, be very afraid!” Do I put my head between my legs and kiss my ass goodbye? Because the “jury is still out” on the whole Mayan calendar thing, I am gonna live my life one day at a time. I’m not going to hide away or give away all my earthy possessions. So, no, I’m not getting rid of my Xena, Warrior Princess DVD collection before December 21, 2012. I will rise above the superstition and fear! I will act the same goofy way I always do. But please keep this in mind… If the end does happen and we’re all loading onto the bus for the hereafter, save me a seat, I’m right behind you, buddy!
Jester Reggie
It’s time to cash in the reality check, here and now, folks. Preachers, Prophets, Sages and Witch Doctors have been raging and screaming to the masses for centuries about how God, or the Gods are initiating our destruction. There has always been talk of events like natural disasters and wars, which fit perfectly into a very loose interpretation of some ancient writing or scripture. I am certain in saying no matter what point in history at which you look, there will be signs and events that will lock themselves in place to lead you to believe the end of days is here.
Sadly it is this type of thinking that leads monks to flagellate or burn themselves, and even Jonestown or the Branch Davidians. We all know what a great idea those places turned out to be. People will believe anything if they think it will save them from death or otherwise. The old saying still holds true, people are just like sheep. They will blindly follow even unto death. What is it that makes us stop and listen and believe when these “sages” tell us they were reading this or they saw that in the stars or even that a shiny, mystical being told them something? Are they stoned when this news is revealed to them? Are we stoned when we believe them?
I, too, am not above all this, I will confess. I will give you a perfect example. For many years I worked over night at a bakery. I got my fill of all the pastries and talk radio I could ever want. My favorite host of all time was Art Bell on Coast to Coast radio. A middle aged woman called in to share a story about a strange man who looked modern but yet had no idea about how to use modern technology, specifically a gas pump. She told her story about how the man was also not familiar with money and it’s value. All of these strange things the man did made her think he was a man out of place. She was so bold to say she thought he was a time traveler.
She asked Art, “What do you think?” He replied “Yes, He could have been a time traveler.” For just a brief moment, the woman gasped and went silent. Her mind processed the thought that she just interacted with something thought to be only make believe. In that same moment, I also thought it all made sense and she experienced something I have only seen in the movies. In the next beat I shook my head and simply dismissed it as Art pandering to her and saying something shocking to build up the ratings for his show. He said yes, just to be cruel.
Because Art Bell is a man I like and respect, I was willing to throw my own rational thinking aside to believe what would seem impossible. I guess just call me Lambchop! My Baa-d!
This takes me back to the beginning, now. Do I listen to that little cherub on the shoulder who says “Be afraid, be very afraid!” Do I put my head between my legs and kiss my ass goodbye? Because the “jury is still out” on the whole Mayan calendar thing, I am gonna live my life one day at a time. I’m not going to hide away or give away all my earthy possessions. So, no, I’m not getting rid of my Xena, Warrior Princess DVD collection before December 21, 2012. I will rise above the superstition and fear! I will act the same goofy way I always do. But please keep this in mind… If the end does happen and we’re all loading onto the bus for the hereafter, save me a seat, I’m right behind you, buddy!
Jester Reggie
Saturday, March 10, 2012
I haven't fallen off the face of the earth, really.
I'm posting this for some feedback. I love jokes! I mean your common, everyday joke. Example:
"Why did the chicken cross the road? To watch the farmer lay bricks."
I want to read about the best joke you've ever heard. I calling out to everyone to comment and share for all to read. What is your favorite joke? I'll give you another example.
"A grasshopper walks into a bar, hops up on the bar to order a drink. The bartender says
"Hey there, little fella. Do you know we have a drink named after you?"
The grasshopper says
"Really? You have a drink named Irving?"
I know those two jokes are very tame considering I have a whole "Rolodex" of funny, filthy jokes I could share. If you really want to know them, please send me a personal message and I will share. :)
I would love to hear from you! I will leave you with one last goodie! How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb. Just one but the light bulb has to want to change. Keep laughing!
Jester Reggie
"Why did the chicken cross the road? To watch the farmer lay bricks."
I want to read about the best joke you've ever heard. I calling out to everyone to comment and share for all to read. What is your favorite joke? I'll give you another example.
"A grasshopper walks into a bar, hops up on the bar to order a drink. The bartender says
"Hey there, little fella. Do you know we have a drink named after you?"
The grasshopper says
"Really? You have a drink named Irving?"
I know those two jokes are very tame considering I have a whole "Rolodex" of funny, filthy jokes I could share. If you really want to know them, please send me a personal message and I will share. :)
I would love to hear from you! I will leave you with one last goodie! How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb. Just one but the light bulb has to want to change. Keep laughing!
Jester Reggie
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Hoc est ridiculam.
"This is funny." For those of you who are not up on your Latin, that is what the title of this post translates to in English. It's been a fun evening playing with the English to Latin translator. I started out with grand intentions, Magnificum Intentiones, using this thing.
I've been tossing the idea around in my head as to why I want to write. What motivates me to put words on a page? What do I have to say? What is my voice? I decided the perfect title for the post would be a Latin phrase. Not the ever popular Ricky Martin, Latin. I mean old school Caesar Latin.
"Hear my voice" is "Exaudi vocem". "Listen to my voice" is " Audire vocem meam". "My words. My voice. My world." is "Verba mea. Vocem meam. Mea mundi." All of which are great titles. I'm sure I'll be using one of these very soon. It was then I started thinking about the word 'funny'. What is funny in Latin? 'ridiculam'.
I remembered those famous words of the great Julius Caesar. "I came, I saw, I conquered." "Veni, vidi, vici." Which led me to remember a great parody "Veni, Vidi, Veggie" "I came, I saw, I had salad." By the way, translates to "Veni, vidi, comedi magna." Still funny! By the time I was done with the translation of a wide variety of phrases I morphed into a 12 year old boy. "Kiss my butt" is "Oscula Dolium". "Stupid is as stupid does." is "Stultus est sicut stultus facit." That doesn't quite have the same ring when you put that phrase in Forrest Gump's mouth, does it?
I remembered another great phrase in French "c'est la vie, c'est la guerre, c'est une pomme de terre." "That is life, that is war, that is a potato." It's a fun rhyme in French but the history of that phrase eludes me. The only thing a Google search tells me is war has been declared by the potato industry against the USDA for trying to pull potatoes from school lunches. No spud left behind! Not a lot of help there.
No matter what language I still want my voice to be heard. "Exaudi vocem." "Ακούστε τη φωνή μου." "Slyší můj hlas." "Hör min röst." "Escucha mi voz." "Entends ma voix." Just in case you are wondering "Kiss my butt." in Chinese is "亲亲我的屁股."
Jester Reggie
I've been tossing the idea around in my head as to why I want to write. What motivates me to put words on a page? What do I have to say? What is my voice? I decided the perfect title for the post would be a Latin phrase. Not the ever popular Ricky Martin, Latin. I mean old school Caesar Latin.
"Hear my voice" is "Exaudi vocem". "Listen to my voice" is " Audire vocem meam". "My words. My voice. My world." is "Verba mea. Vocem meam. Mea mundi." All of which are great titles. I'm sure I'll be using one of these very soon. It was then I started thinking about the word 'funny'. What is funny in Latin? 'ridiculam'.
I remembered those famous words of the great Julius Caesar. "I came, I saw, I conquered." "Veni, vidi, vici." Which led me to remember a great parody "Veni, Vidi, Veggie" "I came, I saw, I had salad." By the way, translates to "Veni, vidi, comedi magna." Still funny! By the time I was done with the translation of a wide variety of phrases I morphed into a 12 year old boy. "Kiss my butt" is "Oscula Dolium". "Stupid is as stupid does." is "Stultus est sicut stultus facit." That doesn't quite have the same ring when you put that phrase in Forrest Gump's mouth, does it?
I remembered another great phrase in French "c'est la vie, c'est la guerre, c'est une pomme de terre." "That is life, that is war, that is a potato." It's a fun rhyme in French but the history of that phrase eludes me. The only thing a Google search tells me is war has been declared by the potato industry against the USDA for trying to pull potatoes from school lunches. No spud left behind! Not a lot of help there.
No matter what language I still want my voice to be heard. "Exaudi vocem." "Ακούστε τη φωνή μου." "Slyší můj hlas." "Hör min röst." "Escucha mi voz." "Entends ma voix." Just in case you are wondering "Kiss my butt." in Chinese is "亲亲我的屁股."
Jester Reggie
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Thank you, Mr. Lowman.
http://www.thisiswhyimbroke.com/
My friend Victor showed me this website; This is why Im broke .com This is the coolest site ever! Where else can you find the Water Jet Pack for $130,000.00 and Titanic Ice Cube molds for $6.55? Just when I though I have seen it all, along come this website. Y'all should check this out.
Everything under the sun is sold on this site. You can custom make a bobblehead doll. Stock up on glow in the dark toilet paper. There is a Bob Ross finger puppet for $17.00 and a flying car for $350,000.00. Just think of all the airline miles you would earn by putting that puppy on your Visa! Any novelty zombie or Star Wars item is there for the buying.
There are Ninjabread Men cookie cutters in the shape of a Chuck Norris round house kick. As well as a $400.00 inflatable human hamster ball. Perfect for use on the water for a fun day at the lake. My favorite item is the combat lawn gnomes armed with AK-47s, rocket launchers, and grenades for $42.00. Which, by the way, I am so totally buying those!
Not everything on the site is a toy. There are a few items that are functional. The body pillow/sleeping bag that looks like shark, a throw pillow the doubles as a remote control. A $200.00 lift out coffee table. The top lifts up to serve as a TV tray. There are bandaids that look like bacon strips. There are shot glasses and mugs in everyshape and size.
I love websites like these. I remember getting catalogs in the mail filled with "can't live without" items. Companies like Lillian Vernon, Fingerhut, Signals and Wireless, just to name a few. They are full of those wonderful things that make you say "How did I ever live before I had this?".
Novelty items have come a long way from the salad days of joke shops, ads on the back page of comic books, and catalog sales. Websites and online shopping make consumer gratification instantanious. Even further back there were salesmen calling out to the crowds in Antantic City on the boardwalk selling kitchen gadgets. We now have stores like Bed Bath and Beyond that are just a quick drive across town to fill our cupboards. We have late night info-mercials to tell us it's just 3 easy payments of $29.99 for "the greatest thing you and your family will ever use." What is sad is these are the items that get used for 6 months or so. Then you forget to order your refill and soon they are pushed to the back shelf.
What is most amazing is this industry is multi million dollar. Pitch men like Ron Popeil with the Popeil Pocket Fisherman and the Ronco Food Dehydrator, Billy Mayes with Oxi-Clean and Mighty Putty, and even Vince with the Sham-Wow towels, all use the slick, well rehearsed, sales pitch to make you think you need the trinket that will be the next greatest thing. Next time you are at a home show watch the guy selling the Ginsu knives. It's Willie Lowman for the 21st century.
I will confess I have fallen into the trap. One time, in the wee hours of the morning, I bought some wonderful cleaning powder. It was supposed to whiten my whites and clean my bathroom so well it will look brand new. I keep the bucket of that crap around just to remind myself not to do that again! How many of you have The Vegematic tucked away in the back of your pantry? How many of you found The Popeil Pocket Fisherman while digging through your grandfather's box of junk in the garage? Impulse shopping is a trap we all have faced and lost!
For as much as I love looking at all those websites and catalogs, I have learned a couple of valuable lessons. First, I don't make wise purchasing decisions at two in the morning coming down off a drunken bender. Secondly, if it sounds too good to be true it usually is. Happy Shopping, y'all!
Jester Reggie
My friend Victor showed me this website; This is why Im broke .com This is the coolest site ever! Where else can you find the Water Jet Pack for $130,000.00 and Titanic Ice Cube molds for $6.55? Just when I though I have seen it all, along come this website. Y'all should check this out.
Everything under the sun is sold on this site. You can custom make a bobblehead doll. Stock up on glow in the dark toilet paper. There is a Bob Ross finger puppet for $17.00 and a flying car for $350,000.00. Just think of all the airline miles you would earn by putting that puppy on your Visa! Any novelty zombie or Star Wars item is there for the buying.
There are Ninjabread Men cookie cutters in the shape of a Chuck Norris round house kick. As well as a $400.00 inflatable human hamster ball. Perfect for use on the water for a fun day at the lake. My favorite item is the combat lawn gnomes armed with AK-47s, rocket launchers, and grenades for $42.00. Which, by the way, I am so totally buying those!
Not everything on the site is a toy. There are a few items that are functional. The body pillow/sleeping bag that looks like shark, a throw pillow the doubles as a remote control. A $200.00 lift out coffee table. The top lifts up to serve as a TV tray. There are bandaids that look like bacon strips. There are shot glasses and mugs in everyshape and size.
I love websites like these. I remember getting catalogs in the mail filled with "can't live without" items. Companies like Lillian Vernon, Fingerhut, Signals and Wireless, just to name a few. They are full of those wonderful things that make you say "How did I ever live before I had this?".
Novelty items have come a long way from the salad days of joke shops, ads on the back page of comic books, and catalog sales. Websites and online shopping make consumer gratification instantanious. Even further back there were salesmen calling out to the crowds in Antantic City on the boardwalk selling kitchen gadgets. We now have stores like Bed Bath and Beyond that are just a quick drive across town to fill our cupboards. We have late night info-mercials to tell us it's just 3 easy payments of $29.99 for "the greatest thing you and your family will ever use." What is sad is these are the items that get used for 6 months or so. Then you forget to order your refill and soon they are pushed to the back shelf.
What is most amazing is this industry is multi million dollar. Pitch men like Ron Popeil with the Popeil Pocket Fisherman and the Ronco Food Dehydrator, Billy Mayes with Oxi-Clean and Mighty Putty, and even Vince with the Sham-Wow towels, all use the slick, well rehearsed, sales pitch to make you think you need the trinket that will be the next greatest thing. Next time you are at a home show watch the guy selling the Ginsu knives. It's Willie Lowman for the 21st century.
I will confess I have fallen into the trap. One time, in the wee hours of the morning, I bought some wonderful cleaning powder. It was supposed to whiten my whites and clean my bathroom so well it will look brand new. I keep the bucket of that crap around just to remind myself not to do that again! How many of you have The Vegematic tucked away in the back of your pantry? How many of you found The Popeil Pocket Fisherman while digging through your grandfather's box of junk in the garage? Impulse shopping is a trap we all have faced and lost!
For as much as I love looking at all those websites and catalogs, I have learned a couple of valuable lessons. First, I don't make wise purchasing decisions at two in the morning coming down off a drunken bender. Secondly, if it sounds too good to be true it usually is. Happy Shopping, y'all!
Jester Reggie
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Funny pictures
There are no small rolls, only roles of cinnamon.
What happens at the grocery store, stays at the grocery store.
FAIL!
Careful, they spit.
Do something brave and then RUN like HELL!
Make me one with everything.
Sweet nectar of the Gods!
Rah rah ree, Kick 'em in the knee! Rah rah rass, Kick 'em in...
the other knee!
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