Thursday, March 15, 2012

REM It's the End of the World music video

http://youtu.be/Z0GFRcFm-aY

Is it the end of your world as you know it?

     Repent, repent, the end is nigh! Today I have been thinking about Doomsday! I seem to be inundated with the end of the world. I turn on the TV to see Doomsday Preppers, Decoding the Mayan Prophecies and Nostradamus. Even the aliens from outer space are getting into the picture. I have received junk mail about a local event for a Prophetic Signs Seminar. The late night talk radio hosts I listen to are talking, again, to survivalists and preparedness authorities who will lead us to the salvation of ten year storeable food and boxed water. We are once again fearing for the worst because thousands of years ago a group of native South Americans ran out of room on the rock while making their calendar.
     It’s time to cash in the reality check, here and now, folks. Preachers, Prophets, Sages and Witch Doctors have been raging and screaming to the masses for centuries about how God, or the Gods are initiating our destruction. There has always been talk of events like natural disasters and wars, which fit perfectly into a very loose interpretation of some ancient writing or scripture. I am certain in saying no matter what point in history at which you look, there will be signs and events that will lock themselves in place to lead you to believe the end of days is here.
     Sadly it is this type of thinking that leads monks to flagellate or burn themselves, and even Jonestown or the Branch Davidians. We all know what a great idea those places turned out to be. People will believe anything if they think it will save them from death or otherwise. The old saying still holds true, people are just like sheep. They will blindly follow even unto death. What is it that makes us stop and listen and believe when these “sages” tell us they were reading this or they saw that in the stars or even that a shiny, mystical being told them something? Are they stoned when this news is revealed to them? Are we stoned when we believe them?
     I, too, am not above all this, I will confess. I will give you a perfect example. For many years I worked over night at a bakery. I got my fill of all the pastries and talk radio I could ever want. My favorite host of all time was Art Bell on Coast to Coast radio. A middle aged woman called in to share a story about a strange man who looked modern but yet had no idea about how to use modern technology, specifically a gas pump. She told her story about how the man was also not familiar with money and it’s value. All of these strange things the man did made her think he was a man out of place. She was so bold to say she thought he was a time traveler.
     She asked Art, “What do you think?” He replied “Yes, He could have been a time traveler.” For just a brief moment, the woman gasped and went silent. Her mind processed the thought that she just interacted with something thought to be only make believe. In that same moment, I also thought it all made sense and she experienced something I have only seen in the movies. In the next beat I shook my head and simply dismissed it as Art pandering to her and saying something shocking to build up the ratings for his show. He said yes, just to be cruel.
     Because Art Bell is a man I like and respect, I was willing to throw my own rational thinking aside to believe what would seem impossible. I guess just call me Lambchop! My Baa-d!
     This takes me back to the beginning, now. Do I listen to that little cherub on the shoulder who says “Be afraid, be very afraid!” Do I put my head between my legs and kiss my ass goodbye? Because the “jury is still out” on the whole Mayan calendar thing, I am gonna live my life one day at a time. I’m not going to hide away or give away all my earthy possessions. So, no, I’m not getting rid of my Xena, Warrior Princess DVD collection before December 21, 2012. I will rise above the superstition and fear! I will act the same goofy way I always do. But please keep this in mind… If the end does happen and we’re all loading onto the bus for the hereafter, save me a seat, I’m right behind you, buddy!
                                                                                               Jester Reggie

Saturday, March 10, 2012

I haven't fallen off the face of the earth, really.

I'm posting this for some feedback. I love jokes! I mean your common, everyday joke. Example:

"Why did the chicken cross the road? To watch the farmer lay bricks."

I want to read about the best joke you've ever heard. I calling out to everyone to comment and share for all to read. What is your favorite joke? I'll give you another example.

"A grasshopper walks into a bar, hops up on the bar to order a drink. The bartender says
"Hey there, little fella. Do you know we have a drink named after you?"
The grasshopper says
"Really? You have a drink named Irving?"

I know those two jokes are very tame considering I have a whole "Rolodex" of funny, filthy jokes I could share. If you really want to know them, please send me a personal message and I will share. :)

I would love to hear from you! I will leave you with one last goodie! How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb. Just one but the light bulb has to want to change.  Keep laughing!
                               
                                                                                                   Jester Reggie

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Hoc est ridiculam.

     "This is funny." For those of you who are not up on your Latin, that is what the title of this post translates to in English. It's been a fun evening playing with the English to Latin translator.  I started out with grand intentions, Magnificum Intentiones, using this thing.

     I've been tossing the idea around in my head as to why I want to write. What motivates me to put words on a page? What do I have to say? What is my voice? I decided the perfect title for the post would be a Latin phrase. Not the ever popular Ricky Martin, Latin. I mean old school Caesar Latin.

     "Hear my voice" is "Exaudi vocem". "Listen to my voice" is " Audire vocem meam". "My words. My voice. My world." is "Verba mea. Vocem meam. Mea mundi."  All of which are great titles. I'm sure I'll be using one of these very soon. It was then I started thinking about the word 'funny'. What is funny in Latin? 'ridiculam'.

     I remembered those famous words of the great Julius Caesar. "I came, I saw, I conquered." "Veni, vidi, vici." Which led me to remember a great parody "Veni, Vidi, Veggie" "I came, I saw, I had salad."  By the way, translates to "Veni, vidi, comedi magna." Still funny! By the time I was done with the translation of a wide variety of phrases I morphed into a 12 year old boy. "Kiss my butt" is "Oscula Dolium". "Stupid is as stupid does." is "Stultus est sicut stultus facit." That doesn't quite have the same ring when you put that phrase in Forrest Gump's mouth, does it?

     I remembered another great phrase in French  "c'est la vie, c'est la guerre, c'est une pomme de terre." "That is life, that is war, that is a potato." It's a fun rhyme in French but the history of that phrase eludes me. The only thing a Google search tells me is war has been declared by the potato industry against the USDA for trying to pull potatoes from school lunches. No spud left behind! Not a lot of help there.
    
     No matter what language I still want my voice to be heard. "Exaudi vocem." "Ακούστε τη φωνή μου." "Slyší můj hlas." "Hör min röst." "Escucha mi voz." "Entends ma voix."  Just in case you are wondering "Kiss my butt." in Chinese is "亲亲我的屁股."

                                                                                         Jester Reggie







Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Thank you, Mr. Lowman.

http://www.thisiswhyimbroke.com/


     My friend Victor showed me this website;  This is why Im broke .com  This is the coolest site ever! Where else can you find the Water Jet Pack for $130,000.00 and Titanic Ice Cube molds for $6.55? Just when I though I have seen it all, along come this website. Y'all should check this out.

      Everything under the sun is sold on this site. You can custom make a bobblehead doll. Stock up on glow in the dark toilet paper. There is a Bob Ross finger puppet for $17.00 and a flying car for $350,000.00. Just think of all the airline miles you would earn by putting that puppy on your Visa! Any novelty zombie or Star Wars item is there for the buying.

     There are Ninjabread Men cookie cutters in the shape of a Chuck Norris round house kick. As well as a $400.00 inflatable human hamster ball. Perfect for use on the water for a fun day at the lake.  My favorite item is the combat lawn gnomes armed with AK-47s, rocket launchers, and grenades for $42.00. Which, by the way, I am so totally buying those!

     Not everything on the site is a toy. There are a few items that are functional. The body pillow/sleeping bag that looks like shark, a throw pillow the doubles as a remote control. A $200.00 lift out coffee table. The top lifts up to serve as a TV tray. There are bandaids that look like bacon strips. There are shot glasses and mugs in everyshape and size.

     I love websites like these. I remember getting catalogs in the mail filled with "can't live without" items. Companies like Lillian Vernon, Fingerhut, Signals and Wireless, just to name a few. They are full of those wonderful things that make you say "How did I ever live before I had this?".

     Novelty items have come a long way from the salad days of joke shops, ads on the back page of comic books, and catalog sales. Websites and online shopping make consumer gratification instantanious. Even further back there were salesmen calling out to the crowds in Antantic City on the boardwalk selling kitchen gadgets. We now have stores like Bed Bath and Beyond that are just a quick drive across town to fill our cupboards. We have late night info-mercials to tell us it's just 3 easy payments of $29.99 for "the greatest thing you and your family will ever use." What is sad is these are the items that get used for 6 months or so. Then you forget to order your refill and soon they are pushed to the back shelf.

    What is most amazing is this industry is multi million dollar. Pitch men like Ron Popeil with the Popeil Pocket Fisherman and the Ronco Food Dehydrator, Billy Mayes with Oxi-Clean and Mighty Putty, and even Vince with the Sham-Wow towels, all use the slick, well rehearsed, sales pitch to make you think you need the trinket that will be the next greatest thing. Next time you are at a home show watch the guy selling the Ginsu knives. It's Willie Lowman for the 21st century.

     I will confess I have fallen into the trap. One time, in the wee hours of the morning, I bought some wonderful cleaning powder. It was supposed to whiten my whites and clean my bathroom so well it will look brand new. I keep the bucket of that crap around just to remind myself not to do that again!  How many of you have The Vegematic tucked away in the back of your pantry? How many of you found The Popeil Pocket Fisherman while digging through your grandfather's box of junk in the garage? Impulse shopping is a trap we all have faced and lost!

     For as much as I love looking at all those websites and catalogs, I have learned a couple of valuable lessons. First, I don't make wise purchasing decisions at two in the morning coming down off a drunken bender. Secondly, if it sounds too good to be true it usually is. Happy Shopping, y'all!  
                                                                                   Jester Reggie

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Funny pictures

There are no small rolls, only roles of cinnamon.

What happens at the grocery store, stays at the grocery store.

FAIL!

Careful, they spit.

Do something brave and then RUN like HELL!

Make me one with everything.

Sweet nectar of the Gods!


Rah rah ree, Kick 'em in the knee! Rah rah rass, Kick 'em in...
the other knee!

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Og make Thag laugh!

     What makes something funny? Is it culture? Is it language? Is it a shared human experience? It is true that funny has changed over the years. It's been a mightly long time since the first cavemen hit each other over the head with rocks just to laugh as the other falls down. Yet we still laugh as dad gets hit in the nads when Junior swings the bat in the t-ball game! Humor is that element of the human experience that brings us all together.
     Humor can be subjective. Those who are highly educated find humor in situations the good ol' boys would have no understanding. It's not to say that one is better than the other. It's just different. Prejudice is what makes cultures judge good or bad. A funny is still a funny. Oprah dangling a $100 bill in front of a matre de making him beg for it is just as funny as Bubba Joe dangling a cold beer on a 6 pack ringer making his fishing buddy beg for it! Those are both great visual images! It's a great joke just set in two very different scenerios.
     The best example to show the human commonality of humor is a great TV show from the 1950s called Your Show of Shows. Sid Ceasar and Nanette Fabray in "Argument to Beethoven's 5th," Caesar and Fabray play a married couple in a argument in pantomime set to the song. They aren't cussing. It's not political, They aren't making jokes at someone elses expense. With the exception of a couple of "Oh yes your mother!" jabs. After watching this you won't listen to the 5th in the same way. See the post of the same name also on my blog page.
     I consider myself to be a well educated person. I graduated high-school, survived a few years of college, recieved most of my education in the "school of hard knocks". Intellectual humor is something I truly appreciate. I prefer the joke "Karma will run over your Dogma every time." over watching a clown slipping on a banana peel.
     Language plays the most important role in humor. It is the simply the basis of how we communicate. Homonyms, homophones, and homographs, (Oh, my!) are the foundation of humor. A pun just isn't funny if you don't know the the words. The character Data from Star Trek the Next Generation had a continuing quest to learn about humor. He knew the definition of the words but yet failed to see how alternate definitions could be funny. The double entendre was lost to him.
     "Dick raises prize winning cocks." Those of you who just giggled a minute ago understand the naughty, tawdry uses of the words dick and cock rather than a man named Dick raises prize winning roosters. The same applies with similes and metaphors. "Explaining a joke is like showing a blind man a mirage, it's wasted!" I have another great example of word humor from Whose Line is it Anyway. It's Things That Sound Dirty But Aren't. These are perfect examples of all the nuisances of lanuage that make us giggle.
     Even though we as a species have evolved, have learned to make tools from nature herself, have even been to the moon, why is it a clown slipping on a banana peel is still funny? Caveman Thag smacking caveman Og with the rock makes us laugh?
     Your buddy slips and falls on the ice. On his way down he flaps his arms in circles as if at any moment he will take flight to keep himself from hitting the ground. Why do we laugh first and then ask if he is alright? Is it still our inner caveman peeking out to say "Og make Thag laugh!"
     I am certain that no matter how many eons have passed and how many to come, no matter how intelligent we grow to be, no matter how many worlds we explore in outer space. It's still going to be funny when spacemen accidentaly smack their heads on the ceiling of the space craft! Oh well, Once a caveman, always a caveman!
                                                                                         Jester Reggie

Monday, February 13, 2012

The Argument

The Argument Your Show of Shows


 Sid Caesar pioneered live television sketch comedy with his 1950s sitcoms Your Show of Shows and Caesar's Hour. This classic sketch is "Argument to Beethoven's 5th," Sid Caesar and Nanette Fabray

Sunday, February 12, 2012

We're here, we're queer and your children are going to ask difficult questions.

Here is a comment I made concerning Sesame Street and Sexuality. There was a conversation about Bert and Ernie being the token gay couple. Sesame Street commented that Muppets are asexual and have no representation of sexual orientation. 

      As a lesbian parent, I would like to see more examples of same-sex couples interacting, as a family with their children on Sesame Street. My son is 4 and he understands that families are different. He acknowledges he has two moms and no dad living in our home.   Sesame Street has been very good about diversity issues. I believe they have not done enough to specifically identify same-sex couples and their families.
     I can understand how some would think that to merely show a same-sex couple would be considered validation, but the fact remains children are witness to these families, daily; no matter if parents agree with the politics of the issue.
     Sesame Street has long been considered a teaching tool. They have addressed controversial issues in the past and been ground breaking on other socially sensitive issues. To include same-sex couples would be addressing yet another aspect of our diverse American society. Children need to learn about the world around them openly and honestly. We're here, we're queer and your children are going to ask difficult questions.
     The statement that was made concerning Bert and Ernie was simply made as not to appear as "taking sides". I believe they don't want to come out as pro or con as way to avoid getting politically involved. Eventually, I do believe Sesame Street will have to address same-sex families, gay and even trans-gendered individuals. I don't think they are ready to do so at this time.
     Muppets are supposed to be asexual but the truth is they do have a gender. There are certain characters who are married. Also, others who interact with each other as a family unit. I would even go so far as to say it's human nature to give inanimate objects human characteristics, so it's natural for a person to assign a boy muppet masculine traits, to gender identify as male and to behave as boys do as typically defined by society. Elmo may be a furry red monster but he is a boy.  I also believe as much as Sesame Street wants the characters to be representative of our cultural commonality, each is still very different and serves as a representative of an American subculture. Bert and Ernie have been adopted by the GLBT community as our representative muppets.
     My wife and I intend to raise our son to be accepting of diversity, open to new ideas, and tolerant of opposing view points. Our hope is that in some way the things he will see on Sesame Street can assist us in teaching him about our world by exposing him to the life experiences of others, in which we would not be able to personally relate. I look forward to the day when a GLBT person is considered a cultural commonality and not just a "token" character.

Friday, February 10, 2012

What does a fool think?

Good Evening y'all!

     Here it is, folks, the first entry into the Jester's Notebook. I'm trying my hand at a Blog, again. My first one didn't last very long. If I think real hard I might could remember where I left my other one. Oh, yeah, I left it in my other clown suit! But, oh well, here I am now and there you are reading my ramblings.

    Webster's defines a Jester as an entertainer, a fool. Trust me I'm no fool. I see the world as it is. It's full of funny stuff!  Everyday life has funny moments. Kids say the darnest things. Oh, God, especially my kid!Connor is full of it! He's cute and he knows it! People will say and do things they think are serious and somber, but really they are just as dumb as the rest of us. Present company excluded. All of this and the incredibly spectacular B.S. on T.V. feed me fuel to fan the funny flames.

     This is my notebook. I write what I feel. I write what I think. These are my musings. This is my therapy. This is my outcry to the world to say "Hey, don't take yourself so frickin' seriously!" Some stuff you will like. Some stuff you will say "Really, Reggie?" Some stuff you will share, Some stuff you will say "OMG! That's me!"
    
     I will write, post pictures and links. I'll share my short stories. I, as the Jester, in the truest definition, will entertain. I have donned my gay apparel,. pointy shoes and hat with the bells and dingle balls. I shall take the stage. Oooh, damn, that spot light is bright. You can follow my entries every couple of days. Please have every confidence in the world that y'all gonna do smething funny one of these days and your name will be changed to protect the "innocent"! I welcome feedback, really I do! Even if it's simply to say I'm full of beans. I've got my big girls panties on. I can take it!
                                                                                       Jester Reggie